Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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