hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
