she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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