thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
