the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
