Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
