if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
