If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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