Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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