I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
