I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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