My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
