Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
