she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
