The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
