I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
