when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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