Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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