He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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