I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
