I wish I could punch you in the face.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
