On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is it because I queefed?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
