i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
