I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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