i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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