Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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