ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
