While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
