Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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