My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
