Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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