dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
