Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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