if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
