You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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