Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just made my gag reflex go away.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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