Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How's work?
Spinning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That accounts for only three of the penises
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
