Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
