Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
