so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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