Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
