Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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