if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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