i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
