I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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