sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
