Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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