Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
