I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
