I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize