First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
