i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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