Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
