I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
