he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
