He asked to "fluff my boner.."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
