If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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