Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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