I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
