dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
