Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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