You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize