i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
