i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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