...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
