there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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