Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
