We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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