how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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