I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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