There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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