im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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