do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
