Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
