I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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