Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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