I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
