Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize