I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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