the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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