some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
