My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
