so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The air taste purple.
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