Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
