I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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