This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize