im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
