You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
