Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
