she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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