some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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