Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
