sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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