I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
