Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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