her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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