oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If I die, sorry about rent.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
