Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
