worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
