I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
