thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
