Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
