I want to make a zoo with you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
